solnet | (no subject)

First off, I'm sorry for avoiding everyone. I kinda socialed myself out with the masquerade and I'm not used to it, so I hid for awhile. [ Soul looks apologetic as he appears on the network with this statement, running his hand through his bangs and trying to smile. Mostly he just looks supremely embarrassed. Not by what he's said but what he's about to say. ]

So uh, I have to ask for some advice.

[ He pauses and takes a deep breath as his cheeks flush. ]

What do you do when you have a big old crush on someone? Do you tell them your real feelings or only spill it a little? Do you do it at all if you've been avoiding them and they're kind of upset about it? I'm sort of tired of avoiding them more than anyone, and feel like the only answer is to say something so I can't anymore.

But I really don't want to. Is there any way I can avoid this? I'm really not sure about it because I've never... liked another guy before, and I don't know how to handle it with a guy. I barely know how to handle it with a chick.

I don't want to lose this friend if they get pissed off about it. Things could stay the same and I'd be okay. I'm used to not getting what I want.

[ He pauses. That's kind of a shitty thing to say and he didn't mean to. ]

Uh, forget that last statement, please.

Help?

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[It should. It's about the feeling, about understanding. It works best when the entire team shares one purpose, but Atsuya isn't good at it. Shirou wasn't good at it. Fubuki's soccer has always been about the two of them, and trying to add others into that equation doesn't always work.

The chunk of ice wouldn't fill a normal soccer goal, but it's enough to get in the way of Atsuya's shoot. It's too late to re-aim by the time he's noticed it, and the ball bounces away from it. Loose ball.

If they had goalies, it would be in Soul's team's possession now, but once it's out of the goalkeeper's hands it's a free-for-all anyway.]

[ The ball manages to land nearby Soul and he feels proud of himself. But he feels something else, too, growing on the edge of his mental vision. A determination that lines up along with his, but is coming from a different source. It's familiar to feel like this, but it's not as strong as he's used to.

He doesn't push it away like he might push away some unexpected harmonies. It feels gentle enough he's not objecting to it. He heads the ball for Fubuki's goal, but he's ready to dodge the moment he needs to. ]

[It's shaky with pent-up frustration and a lack of reference for most behavior, but it's there. The thrill of the game. The clash of wills. The undying fighting spirit carried by everyone who wears the lightning bolt mark.

The chill of mountain air.

He's there, running right beside Soul as they race to the other side of the court. Just waiting for his chance to steal. This is for real, now. This - this - is soccer.]

[ There's a strong feeling of admiration coming from Soul, as well as curiosity. He hadn't quite been aware that this was a part of what soccer was like from Fubuki's world, and it's so much better than simple basketball. How much it means to the other boy makes even more sense now.

The admiration is for how great Fubuki is at it, but other things as well. Will Atsuya be able to sense under the surface feelings? Will he know the depth these things go for him?

Soul isn't concentrating on those things, though. He's concentrating on when to dodge the steal and he's able to speed up a little more now. Maybe that comes from the connection? Knowing how to move better. ]

[Of course it's important. No matter their arguments, no matter their differences of opinion, it was the one thing Shirou and Atsuya always shared. Soccer isn't something you play alone - but it is. It is for Fubuki. It has to be. He's perfect.

Right now, Soul gets to share in the technical knowledge of footwork and technique and timing Fubuki has built into his muscles through countless drills. Pulling any of it off is another story entirely, however. Soul hasn't trained to the extend the younger boy has. Still, he manages to escape with the ball. Fubuki will have to try to cut him off, then. He's not using his hissatsu, but that doesn't mean he's going to let Soul have a single goal without a fight.

Atsuya might pick up on those feelings if Soul puts them into the ball. Even so, though, he has nothing he can do with them. 'Love' is among the things he has no reference for. His world is cold, after all - it's been devoid of love for years now. Cold and silent. Maybe Shirou remembers better, but Shirou has been buried deeper than he was when they first resonated.]