[video] Not an episode of Jackass, but close.

[justribbing]

Heya.

[ Well, whaddya know. It's the castle's sole resident monster and actual walking, talking skeleton, Sans. Rather than looking like hell warmed over, he's back to his usual -- if perpetually tired and indolent -- self. His t-shirt is more or less plastered to his skeletal frame, though, which has a way of making him seem somehow smaller. Considering he usually wears layers of shirts and hoodies, any illusion of girth is banished here. Giving his greeting to the network, there's another sound introduced beneath his Brooklyn-flavored rumble, someone else wheezing with laughter off-camera. ]

Uh, ran into a little problem with the plumbin' downstairs-- hey, y’mind? I'm talkin' here.

[ Ah, yes, spoken like someone who utterly lacks in the necessary biological components, so any innuendo's lost on Sans. Whoever's with him, though, there's no denying the other guy is busting a seam laughing. With an amused roll of his eyelights, Sans lets it pass. ]

Ehhh, fuhgeddaboudit. I'm sure it'll be fine.

[ Just then, another figure comes into view just over Sans's shoulder. This figure, more importantly a humanoid, bipedal turtle, reaches for the handle of a door just across the hall. When pulled open, a massive cascade of white suds comes drooping out of the doorway, a slow-moving tidal wave of laundry detergent foam.

Sans glances over his shoulder at this inevitable calamity as Wade finally emerges from the side, leaning heavily on the skeleton's other shoulder as he's almost overcome with laughter. ]

It's a T- ahahahahahahaha!

[ Wade’s words are garbled by another bout of laughter, and he leans over the skeleton’s shoulder again, one finger in the air as if he’s begging for patience. Eventually the paroxysms calm down long enough for him to make his point: ]

It's a Tide-al wave!

[ The skeleton monster redirects his gaze to Wade, whose case seems contagious enough that even Sans’s shoulders start to shake with mirth. The turtle, however, seems less enamored by the display. His bare feet skid dangerously across the foamy floor, and he yelps out an undignified noise in his struggle to keep from eating dirt. ]

Shell!

[ That sounds suspiciously like a curse word, don’t it? In any case, the turtle manages to get his footing with a clumsy teeter that doesn’t quite corroborate the sort of grace that the twin katana on his shell imply. ]

What the heck is this? Hey!

[ Unfortunately the turtle’s predicament is about to get even more embarrassing as Wade, already weakened from Sans’s epic laundry fail, explodes into renewed laughter at the newcomer’s attempt to right himself. It’s all too much for the mercenary, and eventually he slips off of Sans’s shoulders and collapses in a heap on the floor. ]

That one really floored ya, huh?

Comments

action;

[duelkatana]

[Leonardo doesn't even wear clothes, which means his laundry days are far and few in-between. He just had to pick today to wash his bed sheets. Of course he did.]

[He should have stayed in bed today.]

[His unfortunate predicament doesn't get better once he hears a peal of laughter followed by a thump of something hitting the floor, and Leo turns to see a guy in spandex and a... tiny, slobbily-dressed skeleton? Yikes, maybe he didn't get out of bed today. The turtle attempts to flick an entire sleeve of suds from his arm - which doesn't work at all except for a softball-sized glob of bubbles plopping to the floor - and raises his voice towards them.]

What on earth is going on here?!

Re: action;

[justribbing]

[ Sans stands there with his cellphone, still blatantly recording. Maybe Wade's still a collapsed heap at his feet cracking up, or maybe he's started to get back up, either way he's not missing this. ]

This? Eh, it's whatcha get when your agenda doesn't pan out.

You could even say-- [ Sans, no ] --our laundry list was a complete wash.

[ ba-dum-fish. ]

[ishotyouuu]

[The worst of the sudden laugh attack has subsided enough for Wade to attempt getting to his feet, still rendered inarticulate from the aftershock of residual chuckles. One hand remains pressed against Sans's shoulder to steady himself while the other shoves his mask up to wipe his eyes.]

I'm fucking dying over here! Motherfucker just did like a-- [Aaaand he's off again. It's a good fifteen seconds before he recovers his breath enough to try again.]

That was some Harlem Shake type shit there. Holy fuck. Never knew ninja turtles were so good at hip-hop.

[Yeah, he knows exactly who you are, Leo. And what you are.]

[duelkatana]

[At a great loss, the Harlem Shake is a meme after Leonardo's time... so he has no idea what the human is talking about. In fact, in his embarrassment, he doesn't even catch on that the stranger knows his profession - instead he feels his skin flush a darker shade of green as he throws the laundry door shut. Perhaps a bit petulantly.]

This was you trying to do laundry? [a beat, as Leonardo slowly measures up the true ludicrousness of this situation.] What does a skeleton even need to wash?

[justribbing]

[ Swinging shut the door abates the flow of suds, but just means the remaining end up in a heap around the door. There's... there's a lot of it. Just how much laundry detergent did he USE? The smell of it hangs in the air. Somewhere past that door, a giant clot of bedsheets and laundry is stuck like glue to the inside of a washing machine, glistening with congealed detergent. Most of it is, quite frankly, unsalvageable, not so much attractively tie-dyed as looking like a unicorn puked it up.

Sans finds Wade's fit of laughter both distracting and highly entertaining, if his much more lowkey chuckle is any indication. Finally, he turns back to Leo, shrugging, his t-shirt continuing to drip on the floor. ]

Take it easy, we've got loads to wash. All civilized monsters wear clothes. [ And then, deliberately eyeing Leo off, he jokes: ] Most of us do, anyway.

[ishotyouuu]

[Wade's voice is tightened and somewhat pained as he struggles to rein in his laughter, but hell if he's not gonna weigh in on what Sans just said.]

Hey, speak for yourself, dude-- you got stains on your clothes that're probably older'n I am. Pretty sure that ain't somethin' that falls under regular standards of "civilized".

[Video]

[daughterofursa]

I'm impressed.

Even I know how to use the laundry machines.

[Video] 1/2

[justribbing]

[ Wow, Zuko, he so totally--

Yeah no he hasn't operated one of these from start to finish in... uh....

Suffice it to say it's been a while. ]

2/2

[justribbing]

I'm pretty impressed, too. Didja get a load'a the size of those suds?

Soap-er, I'd say. Takes a special kinda incompetence to screw up the mixed load setting. Somebody had to step up.

[daughterofursa]

At least you're enjoying yourselves.

[justribbing]

Heh.

[ He should... say something. That isn't a joke about survivor's high, because that's his first instinct and that's how he knows that's the wrong choice. ]

I'll be honest. It's the first time I've even seen the laundry room.

[ So who was doing his laundry???? Sans, you have been here over a year and that is nasty-- ]

Usually my bro was doin' the wash. [ But wasn't he also gone more often than not? ] Or, somebody was, anyway. Howzitgoin'? You gearin' up for another foray into the great, only slightly less unknown?

[daughterofursa]

[...Zuko would have believed that Sans just didn't wash his clothes.]

Someone has to. We've been getting nowhere.

[justribbing]

Huh. It's almost like we gotta fight this war to win it. Go fig.

[ But just so she doesn't get the wrong idea -- and because this, coming from a do-nothing like Sans, is the pinnacle of hypocrisy: ]

Nah, I know you've been doin' your best with what'cha got.

[ video ]

[four_quarts]

[For a moment, Ghaleon just gives a dead stare into the phone's camera before replying in the complete deadpan of someone who has long expected this sort of thing to happen:]

At least you decided to come clean about it instead of just leaving it for someone else to discover.

[Was the pun intentional? Absolutely.]

[ video ]

[justribbing]

[ There it is. Good on ya, Ghaleon, he can appreciate an attempt to get on their level.

Their distinctly undignified level. ]

Nice. Didn't want somebody else takin' the fall for this and gettin' hung out to dry, y'know?

[ video ]

[four_quarts]

[Dignity, schmignity. Sans is talking to someone whose original world was silly enough that using "My coming out party can finally begin," as an introductory line to a villainous reveal is 100% normal. A pun-off isn't a threat whatsoever to Ghaleon's sense of dignity.]

A good call. You wouldn't want them to be awash in false accusations. Why, it they decided to take vengeance for their plight, you might truly be in hot water then.

[ video ]

[justribbing]

[ The lights that seem to stand in for eyes in his sockets seem to brighten in amusement, interest, or both. Oh heck yeah. Rolling his shoulders in a shrug, he swings those lights towards the mess creeping over the floor from the doorway that leads into the laundry room. After all, someone tried to open and then hastily shut it before that deluge of suds got any worse.

Man, it's a shame his brother isn't here to, heh heh, 'enjoy' this. It's always better with him around to bemoan his brother's embarrassing pun habit. ]

Eh, why bother puttin' a spin on it with a mixed load of excuses?

Anyway, sup? Don't think we've, uh, been introduced or anything.

[ Or they have, and Sans is again falling prey to that 'all you humanoids look the same' bias. ]

[ video ]

[four_quarts]

[Sans should definitely hope that particular sentiment is one Ghaleon never gets wind of. Insulting one of the healers who know what they're doing is generally considered a Bad Plan, after all.

A hand comes up to muffle a snort of amusement at the puns.]

No, I don't believe we have, although I'm sure we must have at least one mutual acquaintance, as few people as there are. I am Ghaleon.

[ video ]

[justribbing]

[ Probably safest, but with Sans sitting pretty at 5 HP, it's a bit doubtful he'll ever end up so badly off he'll survive needing his services. Still, pretty disrespectful there, Sans! ]

Cool. Name's Sans. And, uh, probably. Like you said, it's a pretty cozy bunch.

[ Granted, with a revolving door of 'heroes' and a room full of statues to remind him of as much, but. ]

Video

[binauralbees]

What the hell?

And I thought I wath bad with human shit.

[ There's a pause before Sollux let's out a snigger. ]

Tho what...you are all washed up?

[ Shit he hadn't punned since before he showed up here. Oh well. ]

Video

[justribbing]

[ Eeeeeeyyyyyyy. ]

'Fraid so, I used to be pretty ok with technology. Guess the Tide has turned.

[ All'a the hidden punsters are just comin' outta the woodwork. Sans can't say he doesn't like the others joining in, it's proving to be a good time. ]

Eh, somebody'll get this all ironed out eventually.

[binauralbees]

[ Okay he's all for a couple puns but honestly Sollux doesn't really keep it up very often. ]

Wow...jutht wow.

How did you even manage that? Aren't there like...inthtructionth on the machineth?

[justribbing]

[ Sans shrugs; there's always time for bad jokes. ]

I think the problem was really in addin' too much soap.

[binauralbees]

[ Oh man....now Sollux is most definitely confused. ]

How--nevermind....I don't think I want to know.

Talk about a huge meth to clean up...hate to be you guys.

[justribbing]

[ Who says he's going to clean it up?




Leo's probably gonna make him clean it up. ]

Tell me 'bout it. The clean-up alone's a major detergent.

[ Wait no he said deterrent, right? ]