~♥TWO♥~

[generalflirt]

[ Audio ]

Hey there, ho there! This is you big, bad neighborhood ladykilling master, Masaomi Kida, reporting in ver the airwaves to give you some smooth beats. And by beats, I of course mean how infallible my advice is in the first place! [ Even if that joke isn't at all good, the man laughs at it anyway, the laugh trailing off so he can go on to ] Anyway, anyway, you're not listening to Kida Radio, and the topic on hand today is going to be one important to as any as long as we're locked away in this castle. Namely, staying in shape! It's not just about looking good for your dates, folks! With food wobbling wildly last month and shadows creeping around ready to pick a fight with us, you might've almost thought that was the last thing!

[ He snaps his fingers and, ] Weeell, unless you got connected to someone else this month and found that you're embarrassed you put on a kilogram or two and they could suddenly feel it. Or maybe you're having a hard time climbing the huge amount of stairs we've got here, or swinging on the chains out here deeper in the castle! Or you got stuck in a door this month and you're like "wow, my muscles can't really have just paused on me like that, right?

Take it from me, there's a lot of reasons to try to keep nourished, and also to be ready for a fight if that's your style! But me? Glad you asked! I've not found any good way to keep up the weight routine I used to do in the absence of a proper gym, but keeping up a schedule of a long log around the alter room, some personal crunches and stretching, and a fair bit of sparring with my best girl, I'm working up a real sweat these days. And I don't just mean because I'm rooming with a pretty young thing! [ Cue the laugh track. Or rather, him laughing at his own joke again ]

So come on, while I've still got a big head [ And despite this being a "radio" broadcast, he briefly flips on the video so people can get the joke - he's been glitched into Big Head Mode and looks throughly ridiculous right now. He waves once, clearly somewhere up by the garden, and then clicks off the video ] let's make good on my own ego! Anyone looking for a new sparring partner? Or maybe some other gorgeous gals want to help me work up a sweat - [ a distinct pause, and then a punchline ] by running with me, of course!

[ He doesn't laugh at this joke, but he does clap his hands at it ]

But okay, okay, I'll be here until the Queen's defeated, so you can expect some more Kida Radio segments, maybe next time with some special guests or it being recorded in a replay-happy format. For now though, listeners, let's get some call ins! How do you guys keep in shape? Have you had any particularly special experiences of your own in the last few weeks? Come and tell you old friend, the loyal righteous vassal, Masaomi Kida, and we can make you a new rising star here on Kiiiiida Radio!

Over and out.

[ ... So he knew he was being silly, sue him. It seemed like a good way to pass the time while his head was too big to not really go through the door back down the residential floors without rubbing against the walls. ]

Comments

[justribbing]

Yeah. But we didn't have medicine when a kid got sick, one of us had to call in a favor.

[ That was Yukio. He remembers sitting by the kid's bed, using his phalanges like a cool compress while the kid was burning up, until they got a basin of water and a cloth instead. Remembers Minako bustling around like a fretful mother.

They say kids grow up fast. The kind of person Yukio grew to be -- the things he'd done to gain all that LOVE...

Sans slams the proverbial gate down on that train of thought before it can make him feel-- well, whatever. ]

But yeah, somethin' like that.

[generalflirt]

That does sound like a stressful situation, Sans-san.

[ And he actually sounds a little bit sympathetic! Actually, a lot, beyond just smiling and humming, because a sick kid actually is something which makes his stomach switch around just a little in a way he didn't see coming. Weird. Busying himself by looking over at birds, the then glances back on to the phone ]

There's a lot of missing history for us new people.

[justribbing]

Guess it'd be pretty handy if we had some kinda FAQ thing, but... Eh.

[ His shrug might even be audible, if one could possibly identify the shift of fabric when his shoulders roll. ]

We might be done here by the time we get finished with somethin' like that. [ Or the person working on it might die, or get captured by the Queen and turned into one of her Shadows. ]

What's the point?

[ Well, for one, it'd mean fewer repetitive conversations about the past. ]

[generalflirt]

[ Is... is this guy serious? ]

How long do you think that we're going to be here, Sans-san? How long is this mission going to take?

[ He says this flatly, and in the process sort of tips his hand about how ludicrous that answer sounded to him. Where would Luceti had been without it's Guide, without people like Raine Sage or Shikamaru or even that Albert guy who could remember history enough to hand down experiences, to explain the mechanics, and make sure people were on the same page. ]

[justribbing]

Who knows? Some of these guys have been here for a year already, or just about.

[ And while they've been able to seize territory bit by bit, there's really no telling how long they'll be able to hold onto it. They're getting spread thin the more they explore, and the Queen? She has no shortage of influence she can leverage on things like... Well. Like a lot of what they encounter month to month.

Of those who have been here a long time, how many of them have actually bothered to inform newcomers? How many of them have attempted to archive this information and disseminate it to the others?

...Yeah. ]

We have no way of knowin' how close we are to finishing this thing.

[generalflirt]

Then please don't sound so flippant, Sans-san. [ Man, that's rich, coming from him ] Ignorance might be bliss, but it's in no way helpful to this sort of situation. What's a a week or two of interviews as compared to making sure people aren't attempting the same things people have tried before, or that people know what rooms are safe or aren't, or the ropes in general. Two days from now, that information is helpful, but two years from now, that information is invaluable.

[ ... When he did start to believe things like this?

When did he start to have the courage to say things like this? Particularly over a radio broadcast. He frowned to himself, somewhat glad the guy can't see him right now ]

[justribbing]

Heh heh heh.

[ Flippant, huh? Yeah, he's probably right, but he doesn't think he'll be taking the guy's advice. Not when he sees an opportunity here to pass the buck. ]

Said like somebody who has experience with this kinda thing.

Y'know, with a radio talk show and your way with people, you could just be the guy for the job.

1/2

[generalflirt]

[ . . . He walked right into that. In truth, he was saying more like "this needs to happen" rather than to tell Sans he needed to do it. But... The guy for the job, huh?

How troublesome, some alien part of his memory leaks out ]

[generalflirt]

Maaaaah~ But if that's the case, Sans-san, as the Information Skeleton, you're going to have to be one of my interviewees, riiight? After all, it was by your tongue or lack therefore of that I learned that diplomacy is a failure!

[justribbing]

[ People need to stop bringing up the dubious existence of a skeleton monster's tongue already. ]

...Guess you got me there, pal.

[ Sans won't even pretend to argue on that front. Besides, it's a lot easier to answer a guy's questions than to organize it all into some kind of cohesive document.

And... He can't really just drop this in his lap and take off without making some kind of concession. ]

[generalflirt]

Exactly, so we're agreed! Now, while I'm studying to be an academic, how about--!

[ A dramatic pause, a pregnant one while he inhales deep and then-! ]

If you can't share the dirty deets before now, how about a weather update, Sans-san? What's our forecast?

[justribbing]

[ Ha ha, oh man, okay. That deserves a snort of laughter. ]

We got like, what. 80? 90? People here, and you ask the guy who spent most'a his life underground.

Sure, buddy, I'll guess.

[ He isn't even going to think about this, but he'll at least spend a second pretending to. ]

Sunny, with a chance of shadow attacks.

[generalflirt]

Oh ho ho ho ho~! So there's no weather in a tunnel, is that how it goes? Not even bat storms or spooky scientists making the air very stale?

[ Sunny with a Side of Shadows.

... Also Sans agrees with his population number, nice ]

[justribbing]

[ Pretty sure Sans was the one who had that conversation with Masaomi about the population count, remember? Contact directory, margin error of give or take 10-20?

Well, it doesn't matter. The phones are a luxury item, and people come and go so often getting a good headcount probably needs a census. ]

Not exactly. Weather's still a new thing for us, yeah? Monsterkind lived under a mountain for a long time.

There's a book about it in the library if you feel like learnin' more.

[ This stated with bored nonchalance. ]

[generalflirt]

[ Details.

A mountain... huh. He hummed a little, rocking in space and flipping the phone around once in his hand before he responds. Monsterkind? Ah well, ]

Oh, ho, how's that library populated, anyway?

[justribbing]

Same way we get anything else, like the armory or the workshop, or those machines that'll wash clothes and the bath.

Lemme tell ya, the Queen sure didn't leave us all these amenities.

[ That's all Ozuma, and the favors that fueled those requests. ]

[generalflirt]

Well see, see, there's even more legacy! But I meant actually what's stocked in there, is it set, or does Ozuma-san give us a rotation? And was that his pick for the stock in general, actually?

[justribbing]

Seein' as most of the random stuff I've seen in there doesn't move unless someone's readin' it, couldn't tell ya if there's ever new stuff comin' in.

[ But that leads to another subject: ]

But there are books none of us can read, except that pale girl named Yorda. She's been learning to sign, so maybe someday we'll be able to translate those books.

[generalflirt]

[ So no way to confirm. Well, he supposed he'd have never known in luceti if not for the efforts of the likes of Helios or Ami. He hums a little but huh... Yorda... ]

Yorda-san? I can't say I've had the pleasure to meet this pale beauty!

[justribbing]

Most haven't.

I only found out about that signing thing months ago, hell if I know if there's been any progress. Probably not.

[ That isn't pessimism, just a frank observation about how things seem to go around here. ]

[generalflirt]

Nyoooo, so are you accusing poor Yorda-san or being slow?

[justribbing]

...

[ Kida are you serious right now ]

Eh, fuhgeddaboudit. Next question?

[generalflirt]

Ah, ah, could it be that we have cornered the infallible Sans-san?! We've driven a stake right into the heart which may or may not be there?!

[ Now, it was clear he was teasing for effect, poking the bear so to speak. But he laughs at the end of this, flipping the phone around in his hand before going on to then next question, which is - ]

So when was this singing escapade, and could there be more karaoke?

[justribbing]

It ain't nice to talk about people who are listening, y'know?

[ A low chuckle, amused despite the fatigue. Karaoke, huh? ]

Uhh, months ago? But if you're into music, go talk to a kid named Steven. He loves that kinda stuff.

[generalflirt]

Nyooo, so he's trolling that Music Room we've got, I'd assume?

But it's true, we wouldn't want Yorda-dan to sneeze on your account!