~♥TWO♥~

[generalflirt]

[ Audio ]

Hey there, ho there! This is you big, bad neighborhood ladykilling master, Masaomi Kida, reporting in ver the airwaves to give you some smooth beats. And by beats, I of course mean how infallible my advice is in the first place! [ Even if that joke isn't at all good, the man laughs at it anyway, the laugh trailing off so he can go on to ] Anyway, anyway, you're not listening to Kida Radio, and the topic on hand today is going to be one important to as any as long as we're locked away in this castle. Namely, staying in shape! It's not just about looking good for your dates, folks! With food wobbling wildly last month and shadows creeping around ready to pick a fight with us, you might've almost thought that was the last thing!

[ He snaps his fingers and, ] Weeell, unless you got connected to someone else this month and found that you're embarrassed you put on a kilogram or two and they could suddenly feel it. Or maybe you're having a hard time climbing the huge amount of stairs we've got here, or swinging on the chains out here deeper in the castle! Or you got stuck in a door this month and you're like "wow, my muscles can't really have just paused on me like that, right?

Take it from me, there's a lot of reasons to try to keep nourished, and also to be ready for a fight if that's your style! But me? Glad you asked! I've not found any good way to keep up the weight routine I used to do in the absence of a proper gym, but keeping up a schedule of a long log around the alter room, some personal crunches and stretching, and a fair bit of sparring with my best girl, I'm working up a real sweat these days. And I don't just mean because I'm rooming with a pretty young thing! [ Cue the laugh track. Or rather, him laughing at his own joke again ]

So come on, while I've still got a big head [ And despite this being a "radio" broadcast, he briefly flips on the video so people can get the joke - he's been glitched into Big Head Mode and looks throughly ridiculous right now. He waves once, clearly somewhere up by the garden, and then clicks off the video ] let's make good on my own ego! Anyone looking for a new sparring partner? Or maybe some other gorgeous gals want to help me work up a sweat - [ a distinct pause, and then a punchline ] by running with me, of course!

[ He doesn't laugh at this joke, but he does clap his hands at it ]

But okay, okay, I'll be here until the Queen's defeated, so you can expect some more Kida Radio segments, maybe next time with some special guests or it being recorded in a replay-happy format. For now though, listeners, let's get some call ins! How do you guys keep in shape? Have you had any particularly special experiences of your own in the last few weeks? Come and tell you old friend, the loyal righteous vassal, Masaomi Kida, and we can make you a new rising star here on Kiiiiida Radio!

Over and out.

[ ... So he knew he was being silly, sue him. It seemed like a good way to pass the time while his head was too big to not really go through the door back down the residential floors without rubbing against the walls. ]

Comments

[justribbing]

[ Kida Radio, huh..? Not a bad idea. Might just be the thing to fill that void left behind by a more glamorous Underground superstar.

...Sure, let's play along. While entirely side-stepping some of the more serious issues. ]

* hey, I got one.
* try doing absolutely nothing, like me.
* guaranteed to maintain a shape that really gets a round.

[ badum-tiss ]

Fuck I laughed at that way more than it deserved ( also eternal audio until I say otherwise)

[generalflirt]

[ A round. AROUND - he's not even sure how a skeleton can gain weight (though now that Sans says it, Masaomi recalls that he has a weirdly bulky shape under his clothing for someone who is presumably all bones and... well, bones) but that was funny, so funny he bursts out laughing on his end, and actually records the tail end of it before he collects himself and brushes back his bangs with the hand now holding his phone, trying to center himself ]

Achachacha-- Us humans might have a bone to pick with that plan! Even if one of the most in shape people I've ever known did have a lot of fat on him!

[ Chouji... ]

(Switching to audio)

[justribbing]

[ Hey, might as well 'call in' proper, right? That first one might have been lost in translation if he tried saying it aloud, though, so this worked fine.

And hearing Masaomi laugh? Heh. Worth it. ]

Yeah? [ Not too many around here like that, so he must be talking about that other place. ] Well, I got nothin'. Tibia'nest, I hate exercise.

Ulna't find me anywhere within a 50 foot radius of a gym.

But, uh, y'know. Betcha there's something in the armory you can mess around with. Ever check it out?

[generalflirt]

[ You know, he's pretty sure those are bones because of that he does laugh again, but he's almost not familiar enough with anatomy to be sure in most of those cases. What the hell is an ulna? Hell if he knows. That said, the armory... huh. ]

Oh, I saw! Reminds me a little of the old Smithy, [ Even though there's actually smithing equipment in the workroom, not like he was ever in the back of the smithy in Luceti frequently ] complete with little maintaining equipment there. Nooot much much with the muscle building though unless I want to bench press a halberd.

But Sans-san, how will you ever build up muscle?

[ Get it, because he can't because he's a skeleton ]

[justribbing]

[ old smithy. must be something from 'home' or whatever comes close. ]

Hope I never find out. See, all that working hard just gives people the idea you're reliable.

[ Sure, he's worthless dead weight, but he's also shameless about it in a way that's conspicuously trying to make light of his laziness. It's a joke -- kinda like this whole situation, right? ]

And then before you know it, everybody wants you to do something. I'd rather take it easy, pal.

audio;

[souldeterminant]

[What a cool segment. Talk about someone charismatic enough to really sell his penniless product. Frisk listens raptly to the entire broadcast before making their reply, and really, while there's a lot to respond to there... Frisk has priorities.]

I think you're getting a-head of yourself.

audio;

[generalflirt]

Oh please, I'm in no way pump-sumtuous! [ PUMP? LIKE HIS HEAD IS INFLATED?

... It's a bit forced ]

audio;

[souldeterminant]

[There's a soft snicker across the audio feed. Worry not, pun padawan; the attempt is appreciated more than the final product.]

OK. [If you say so, buddy. But shifting gears for now.]

I can FIGHT... but I don't like to. Sparring is different, right?

[Frisk, you sound twelve.]

audio;

[generalflirt]

[ Wow, Kid, R U sure? That said, he hums a little before he throws out, gently, ]

Well, it's still fighting in so far as some pacifists I know might be concerned, but it's also just a way to practice each other's skills in a controlled way.

audio;

[souldeterminant]

[Frisk likes to think they can still call themself a pacifist. There's a soft hmm that sounds like it could be accompanied by a nod, if the speaker were visible.]

My friends like to spar. It's OK as long as no one gets hurt. [Or, you know... dies.] But they're Royal Guards, so they're good at FIGHTing.

[shirtlesspersona]

It's all in the joys of not being human.

[ Look, he can't actually make himself show up on video anyway. So you just get his voice as usual. So much better than typing all this out. ]

I've looked this way pretty much as long as I can remember. Eating whatever doesn't change that.

.. Probably why you can usually find me eating ice cream.

[generalflirt]

A---aaaaah!!! Unfair! We've got an unfair alarm to ring here, as said by a human!

[ That said, he doesn't know this guy - no, not the voice or the name. That's fun, good to get some "callers" (hah, it works better with the phone) in.

That said, he's being theatrical. ]

[shirtlesspersona]

[ So Zaveid just laughs. Yep, he gets it- it's pretty much what he did when he was with Sheps. ]

Right? Not only can I eat whatever I want, half the time you can't see me to appreciate it. Totally unfair!

[generalflirt]

Oh no, oh noooo, is it a ghost?! Do you not have feet on top of everything else?!

[ . . . Okay he snickered at his own gag at the end of that oops ]

[shirtlesspersona]

Well my feet could be on top, but then all of you would be upside down...

[ Why does he sound like he's considering walking around on his hands? Because Zaveid is just that much of a dumbass. ]

Naah. ... Although if I was a ghost, I would probably be trapped here by my love of food, thinking about it...

[Audio]

[ishotyouuu]

Hey! So, uh... first-time caller, first-time listener, I guess? And I gotta say... eesh, dude-- might help your not-so-little cranial problem if you just lay off the steroids, jussayin'.

[Not the weirdest thing he's seen, but... seriously, dude. He can see every pore. It's not exactly a flattering sight.]

In any case, I'm just comin' off the Haven plan right now. Ever hear of it? Hip new three-year diet plan. Very exclusive. Works like a charm.

[Audio]

[generalflirt]

[ Someone who was commenting about his bighead and also actually knew was radio was? Awesome. He snaps his fingers, making sure to catch it on audio, and laughs before he answers ]

Oh hoo, no, I can't say I have!

[ Not specifically. Had he...? ]

Want to give it a sales pitch?

[ishotyouuu]

A sales pitch?

[Youuuuu might regret asking that very soon, buddy. Wade's voice is deceptively cheerful.]

Sure thing. It's pretty simple, really. All you gotta do is wind up in a really desolate place, scrounging for old cans of food every day, and watch the pounds melt right offa ya. Medical experimentation optional.

That answer your question? Like I said, it's not for everybody, but you'll see results in as little as three weeks!

[generalflirt]

Ooooh ho ho, so it's one of those bold diets which doesn't even include legumes at all.

[ The way he says it though... he does regret it, just a little. That sounds ... well, it reminds him of what they knew of the likes of Kin'cora, but maybe even more problematic. Like out of an apocalyptic novel. But he's in the thick of it now, so he's trying to play it airy ]

audio

[arrowroot]

[This would have been easy enough to ignore. Tyria didn't really have anything like radios or radio stations for that matter, and all of this went completely over Ana's head.

But it was Kida's head that made her stop and go back.]

What in the name of Melandru happened to you?! Did... did you drink a strange tonic?

[That does tend to happen around this time of the year in her world. Strange drinks that have random effects, including giant heads for some reason.]

audio

[generalflirt]

Unless the sun's got some radiation burning me up, it's probably the same thing which sent me flying a few days back! Sooo, I can't say I have anything for some logic.

[ Heheh. ]

audio

[arrowroot]

Flying? I'm assuming you mean without a glider?

audio

[generalflirt]

Without much of anything other than looking at a table the wrong way!

audio

[heritrix]

Stair laps make for good cardio. And if you're really trying to score points with the ladies, there's no better way to shape your butt.

audio

[generalflirt]

Oh, oh, that's some insight for us, from Riiiiin-chan! She's the sort who looks at people's buttocks?!