Chara Dreemurr..? (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
achievementhunter) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
solnet2016-07-16 11:52 am
achievementhunter) wrote in solnet2016-07-16 11:52 am
[Text] Haha freaking out what do you mean no one's freaking out this is fine-
Greetings, fellow soldiers.
With the current state of things, now is a good time to remind ourselves of appropriate levels of respect for each other. Absolute strangers potentially learning your deepest secrets is not something that sits well with myself; I imagine that I'm hardly the only person who feels this way.
I invite anyone else who may have issues with others attempting to discuss said memories to opt out of such social situations through this network post. In my own circumstances, I would prefer that you kept it to yourself.
In other news, Sans is missing. Perhaps he has also gone on vacation, perhaps not.
Please remain vigilant. If you have any further information in regards to the disappearances, or have noted someone else who does not appear to be available via their phone, feel free to share that particular information.
[Private to Frisk, Asriel, Maka, Hilda, Rin Tohsaka, Toriel, Wade, Zuko]
Please remain in contact throughout the day.
I'd hate to go to the trouble of locating you.
With the current state of things, now is a good time to remind ourselves of appropriate levels of respect for each other. Absolute strangers potentially learning your deepest secrets is not something that sits well with myself; I imagine that I'm hardly the only person who feels this way.
I invite anyone else who may have issues with others attempting to discuss said memories to opt out of such social situations through this network post. In my own circumstances, I would prefer that you kept it to yourself.
In other news, Sans is missing. Perhaps he has also gone on vacation, perhaps not.
Please remain vigilant. If you have any further information in regards to the disappearances, or have noted someone else who does not appear to be available via their phone, feel free to share that particular information.
[Private to Frisk, Asriel, Maka, Hilda, Rin Tohsaka, Toriel, Wade, Zuko]
Please remain in contact throughout the day.
I'd hate to go to the trouble of locating you.
no subject
Multiple people have gone missing this morning. As it is, I doubt I'm the only one who's attempted to contact you, and come to similar assumptions about your status.
no subject
...Chara, apparently. Okay, there's a lesson learned. But she'll keep that thought to herself and focus on the other.]
Missing is hardly the same thing as dead. [For all her ineptness with technology, reassembling her cell phone doesn't seem to be one of those problems. She doesn't know what half of these pieces are or what they do, but she knows how they fit back together — including one extra one. A small jewel.] Who's disappeared? I'll help you look for them.
1/3
I continue to remind people of this, but the fact that we do live in a war-zone escapes you all far too easily.
[Phones don't just stop functioning. People do not just go missing for a few hours, and returned unscathed. Unless they're Rin Tohsaka, who's been here, playing builder.
They'd be a lot more interested in what she's up to if their throat wasn't continuously attempting to close up on them.
They aren't aware that she can't see them swallowing.]
2/3 [Memory | CW: implied violence] https://youtu.be/nuLT_qAqTU0
A part of you is screaming.
Beating against invisible walls in your own head, in the wake of what he's said to you. 947. 947, but he doesn't buy it.
He doesn't. Buy it.
Like you didn't just explicitly describe in detail what it is you've done. You can feel your sins crawling on your back, louder than ever. And he just-]
I hate you.
[Does it again. Hand to your head, trying to separate the demon from the child. You can hear him from that distant place, and that's what's screaming in outrage, beating against invisible walls that you'd put up on your own until your breathing is labored and your fingers are digging so sharply into the bandages on your wounded hand that, if the wound was any younger, it might even bleed again.
You hate him.
You hate what he knows and you hate even more...all the things he doesn't. He speaks like an adult who's aware of absolutely everything, except when it comes time for the execution, it's poor. It's so poor, like shoddily ripping out a knife after taking one First Aid course and considering himself a bone-ified expert on the matter.
Okay. The knife's out. But the bleeding comes faster, and the jagged edges are that much more torn.]
I hate you.
[Your voice gets louder. And you don't know why, but the echo from it; your voice, bouncing off the bathroom tiles- something in you clicks.
And you're right back in it all again.
It was fun to pretend, for a while. That you knew how to put on the proverbial brakes. Or that the world had put them on for you. But here you are, in a bathroom, shirt stained with spots of water and smears of blue food dye. Water hits the floor, but it's not--
It's not from your hands.]
I hate you.
[Honestly. You don't even know who you're talking to.
Ha.
But maybe-
Maybe you don't drop your head into the shirt of people you hate. And maybe, when your hands are shaking with the effort, you don't refrain from lashing out in violence either, no matter how much you want to.
So maybe that answers the question.
And just like those other times, his response is- wrong. It's all wrong. Sans shuffles forwards. He doesn't croon but he rumbles, mutters something about going somewhere else. Ok? This stuff can wait. Just leaves the incriminating evidence of his pranking lying on the counter and across the floor, seeks to scoop you up with an arm under your legs.
Just like the last time.
And even though you're still gripping on tightly to his clothes, even though there's a part of you that makes your breath even faster (and that's fear. Cold, chilling fear, as you imagine what it would be like if he took the initiative and threw you into the wall, straight into a pile of bones. Up into the ceiling, so he can make your corpse into some kind of garish chandelier-) part of you is still struggling just as hard to justify this at all.
Because people like this don't look at demons like you and decide that there's something worth trying to pick up off
the
grou]
no subject
[Chara tells her. Eventually, when their throat finally works enough to speak.]
Unfortunately, he's a creature of habit. The fact that he hasn't been found at this stage speaks volumes.
1/3
It's hard to admit to that level of weakness in yourself, however. It's what keeps Rin's mouth shut, along with the understanding that this isn't the time or place for that. Besides, Chara's uncharacteristically rattled. Something must be really wrong. Snapping the last pieces of the cell phone back together, Rin decides to let it go with nothing more than an annoyed sigh—]
2/3
Where to instead? Rin gets the impression she's sitting on a floor (hand? on her head) but can't guess more. The tunnel vision is still a thing; there's static and she can't focus. The ringing in her ears becomes a wail; anger and pain and hurt and (947, 947) something that's dug too deep. Because ░▒░▒ can't do that (can't can't can't) can't offer something ░▒░ only going to take away. Can't separate the demon from the child. (what?)
Someone speaks, a white face, but Rin can't hear it over ░▒░▒░▒ racing heartbeat
("░▒░▒. Unfortunately, ░▒░ ▒ ░▒░▒░▒░▒ of habit." Rin's grip on her phone becomes white-knuckled)
and this must be a memory but she can't figure out who. ░▒░▒░ is dissociating so hard it distorts everything just like any chance to get her bearings and if it's that bad now how distraught would ░▒░▒ be if ░▒░▒ let it all out—
"I hate you," the words come from not-her mouth, and Rin latches onto them like an anchor. The voice is young and small.
"I hate you."
She can't take the weight of that breakdown; pushes back at it as hard as she can. And finally Rin gains her balance, only as ░▒░▒░▒ is collapsing in on itself like a sheet of ice at the beginning of spring. A bathroom floor comes into focus, tears splashing like raindrops
(tears hot behind her eyes)
and a feeling ░▒░▒ should have know better.
"I hate you."
It's nonsense words; a mantra repeated over and over because there's nothing else that'd reflect this distress. It's bordering hysterical and murderous, but the hands that shake with restraint to hold that violent instinct back shows the hate isn't real. No, it's something like "I don't want you to touch me, but I don't want you to leave," made all the clearer with a head that drops forward, crying into ░▒░ shirt. When hands scoop their (their?) body up, making Rin feel smaller than she has in years, she half expects to see Kirei and a Christmas tree, for this very reason. But it's not her memory, it's theirs (theirs), and it's not Kirei, it's
("Sans." That's what they were trying to say, when Rin's ears cut out. "Unfortunately he's...")
Sans. And Chara (oh) is so lost they can barely remember who they're talking to, but Rin can see him clearly now. Oh so uncharacteristically focused on what's in front of him and gentle, looking like he's trying to know what to do when he doesn't at all (looking like hell's judgement, bones corpse chandelier cold fear that makes her heart race, breath too quick, missing the rest of the conversation), and it's so stupid, he's so stupid, but Chara's fingers curl into his shirt anyways, clinging, and not just holding something back.
Because they're not a bad kid, like Sans had said once. Just angry and hurt and so tired of the hurt, and the fact they still talk to him after he's seen it—]
no subject
[Chara's voice. Not small like before. Measured and in control. Something Rin is not. It takes her several seconds, blinking at a phone she can't feel crushed in her grip, can't focus on, to realize the memory has even ended. It doesn't feel like it ended, but like that center she barely found halfway through got turned sideways when she wasn't paying attention. Her heart feel like a bomb in her chest, rigged to explode if she makes one false move. She should stand still. Sit down, before her knees give out from under her.
No. Chara is here. Real Chara. She has to say something, or they'll be suspicious. Rin opens her mouth to reply— and the sound that bubbles in the back of her throat there, like it was waiting all along, is a half-sob. She didn't think it was possible to feel more fragile. Barely, Rin manages to think fast enough to disguise it as a cough, as if clearing her throat.]
...Sans. [She didn't hear all of that. Doesn't dare ask Chara to repeat it. Just connect the dots from before. Something happened... Missing. People went missing. Sans is missing. Rin makes herself speak levelly, and doesn't raise her eyes from the table.] Do, um... Do we know where he was last?
no subject
It's not the only indicator. It's the way her body tenses, the muscles in her throat working as her breathing becomes unsteady; a nearly indiscernible shake to her body that declares Something's Wrong. It takes her to long to respond to them.
She doesn't look at them, either.
And Chara-
Doesn't want to know.]
The last time anyone saw him was last night, when he came to say goodnight to Frisk. So no. We don't have that information.
[Their voice is harsh even to their own ears.
They don't want to know.]
I'm afraid I must decline the offer to search together; at very least, do keep your phone on, this time.
no subject
[That comes out nice and even, like she wanted, but too quick. Rin doesn't want them to know either— on her father's grave, if there is anything Rin wants less in this moment, she's hard-pressed to think of it. It'd ruin everything, her brain pushes at her, even if she knows that's an exaggeration. It'd be bad. Not a good thing for their friendship she didn't realize existed until this moment, but not the end of the world. It'd—ruin everything, and she doesn't know where these thoughts are coming from, but if Chara asked, she thinks she might vomit.]
I'll look somewhere else. [Belatedly the half of her brain that's still working realizes that sounds weird if she never asked where Chara searched already. Easy excuse.] I have my familiars, after all. They're... [swallows] I'm thirsty, sorry. But you've seen them. They can go out pretty far.
[Her legs feel much too weak to stand on, but she can fake it with the best of them, until she's by herself. With deliberately smooth strides, Rin walks towards her bag, which she dropped lazily over by a shelf earlier. Presumably to get those things that'd be useful, but she can't even remember if she packed them in there today or left them in her room, in the jumbled mess of her thoughts. Poise. Focus on poise.]
I'll let you know right away if I turn anything up.
no subject
They can imagine.]
That would be appreciated.
[LOVE building in the back of their throat, but that would be appreciated. Ha ha.]
I'll inform you if I locate anything myself.
[Not an apology, not a move to assist her- just empty words, not even a farewell as they depart. In comparison to how they entered, Chara's countenance is cold.
They refuse to show her anything else.]
no subject
Leave faster.
The part of her that can still think critically wonders if Chara's reaction is born out disgust; a desire to protect theirself or this relationship too. Leave before it all goes up in flames. But Rin can't connect the intricate web of maybes in her head with what she knows of Chara and what she saw and how much of that would she be better off not ever figuring out, but it's hard to think that clearly when
she feels like she's breathing through a straw
Rin's on the other side of the bookcase now, out of direct sight from the door (she heard it shut and that's all that matters). She can't remember moving from Point A to Point B, but judging from her stinging shins and the trembling arms braced between her and the ground, it wasn't a graceful transition. More like she staggered here and fell. Not at all fitting of the Tohsaka heir, just like the tears cascading down her face and the heaving, aching sobs that squeak out of her, no matter how hard she tries to calm down.
What is this? What is this? It's— It can't be the memory. It's over, isn't it? And it wasn't even that big of a deal. She's seen worse from other people, and shook it off fine. Chara was the one upset, not her. This is just her now, not them, but she doesn't feel like herself.
It's poison. It's a curse. Something has been done to her it's the only explanation, but her thoughts are too loud to figure out what her heartbeat is too loud her blood is too loud every gasp is too loud too loud and her body is falling apart—
In reality she's barely made a sound at all. Nothing but a few books that got knocked over when she fell. Her crying is near soundless, and her breaths only thin wheezes, but they echo in her brain like a gunshot she's certain everyone can hear.
Unacceptable. Barely having to think about it, she slaps one hand up to the bookcase nearest her, leaving behind a red sigil; leans far enough to put one up on the shelf just opposite and then the floor: three points generating a soundproof field between this row of books. An atomic blast could go off in this space and no one would hear, much less the sounds of her coming apart at the seams.
It's only then Rin allows herself to wail, to take in shuddering breaths like there's not enough air, hands clutched to her chest when her arms give out, and rolling to one side. Yes, something's really wrong with her. She needs to calm down and assess one symptom at a time. It could be important. The Queen could be up to new trucks, like spreading a virus through these memories. She needs to approach it rationally in case it happens to someone else, so she can warn them. Needs to calm down enough to help look for the missing people, to look for Sans—Sans.
There's so many things she needs to do, but for some reason thinking of his name (and she doesn't even care about him, not that much) makes her heart hurt more. That has to be leftover from the memory. Yeah. She's just remembering his hand on Chara's head, and picking them up in his arms...
And the way Chara slammed the library door open, head whipping around with a wild gaze. How they were surprised she wasn't dead. Corrected that to assuming she'd been missing like some of the others in the castle. Missing like Sans, who offered something they desperately wanted but they suspected he'd never deliver on, in the end.
In the disjointed mess that is her own body betraying her, Rin finds she does in fact have room to cry for somebody else.]