Yukio Okumura (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
youngerandwiser) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
solnet2016-08-06 08:22 pm
youngerandwiser) wrote in solnet2016-08-06 08:22 pm
[Text/accidentally unfiltered] just your run-of-the-mill existential crisis here
[The text is sent out late at night, when everyone should be sleeping. 'Should be' of course being the key phrase. Yukio doesn't sleep much anyways, and even less since the encounter with Minako's shadow.
He's sleep-deprived, and that's probably why he's acting so foolish. He should know to keep his mouth shut. He told Rin he would tell him if there was anything wrong... but if Rin doesn't ask, he shouldn't need to tell.
He really should stop now before he does something stupid like... send a text. He should be stronger than this. He doesn't want to be a burden. He knows he can rely on Rin, but his brother has enough to worry about.
He's being ridiculous. He'll only annoy Rin, or make him angrier. He doesn't need to do this.
But concern and worry and the sickening cocktail of emotions curdling in his stomach motivate him to send out a text anyways.]
[Eventually, a second text is sent, once he realizes this wasn't filtered to Rin as he had hoped.]
He's sleep-deprived, and that's probably why he's acting so foolish. He should know to keep his mouth shut. He told Rin he would tell him if there was anything wrong... but if Rin doesn't ask, he shouldn't need to tell.
He really should stop now before he does something stupid like... send a text. He should be stronger than this. He doesn't want to be a burden. He knows he can rely on Rin, but his brother has enough to worry about.
He's being ridiculous. He'll only annoy Rin, or make him angrier. He doesn't need to do this.
But concern and worry and the sickening cocktail of emotions curdling in his stomach motivate him to send out a text anyways.]
Are you awake?
I'm not sure if anyone told you, but I had a run-in with a shadow. I'm not hurt. Maka got me out of there.
I shouldn't have had any trouble, but the shadow looked like Minako. It wasn't her, and I know that, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to fight it. I froze up.
Do you think it's okay to kill those things? Better than it is to kill demons?
If you're still mad, you don't have to answer. I'm sorry. I know this is confusing. I wish I knew for sure what was going on.
I don't like not having the answers.[Eventually, a second text is sent, once he realizes this wasn't filtered to Rin as he had hoped.]
Disregard the last message. It wasn't meant to be sent.
private audio; the next morning
He's always been terrible at keeping his nose out of things. So he thinks on it, and he answers-- using the voice option, because some things are hard to relay over text messages. ]
... did I ever tell you about the monsters the Crystal Gems have to fight back on Earth?
private audio
He almost leaves the audio message alone without listening to it, but he doesn't have the heart to ignore Steven, so he listens to it, and his curiosity is immediately piqued.]
I don't recall you talking about that.
private audio
[ Hoped so. Getting an answer at all is a great step. ]
We've had to face a lot of them since I started going on missions. They were around for a long time before I was even born, and I don't think I've seen two that had a lot in common. But... all those monsters used to be Gems before they got corrupted. They had regular bodies and thoughts and- and feelings.
[ Friends. Goals. ]
I don't know what happened to them. We don't know how to heal them yet, either. They all... stopped remembering who they were. They don't remember their friends or their names; they don't even remember how to look like themselves.
private audio
[He shouldn't be saying this. He shouldn't be getting angry with Steven. He's too young, just a child. Somehow, Yukio forgets that he himself had a gun in his hands eight years ago.
He was ordered to kill Rin.
He failed.
And now the same had happened with Minako. Was this good or bad?]
private audio
[ And that sucks. ]
I think it's okay if you can't make yourself fight something that looks like someone you love. That doesn't make you weak. I don't know if I'd be able to do it. [ Something that used to really be someone you love? He's not sure. He's never watched Garnet or Amethyst or Pearl or Peridot or Lapis turn into a Gem monster. ]
But no one I've met here would want to be a shadow that had to fight the people they love, either. If a part of the real them is still in there--
[ He falters a little. This isn't something he's really had to put to words before, even if he's thought about it. If even a small part of them is left, they must hate it. The Cluster was nothing but tiny pieces, and it still didn't want to destroy the Earth. ]
If they're still in there somewhere, I think maybe the only way to save who they really are is to... make sure someone stops them.
private audio
...Or someone that was all still there. I just thought they had to die.
[He breathes out slowly.]
...I'm sorry, Steven. I don't want you to have to listen to me talk about something like this. It's certainly not fair to you.
[Even if he's had to fight things back home as well, it's still just not right to burden Steven with what happened to him. Steven feels like a child, still. He shouldn't hear about what Yukio did.]