EMERGENCY BROADCAST (text)

[justribbing]

(All active cellphones sound an alarm briefly during the delivery of this message.)

To: All Users
From: sans.
Subject: (SUBJECT HERE)
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URGENT ANNOUNCEMENT: The following is an automated message.

Nature of Emergency: cagey queen left us hanging


PRESS 1 if outside the vicinity of: home If it is safe to do so, follow the prompts to take and send an image of your surroundings to the administrator.

Users in the vicinity of: home are requested to congregate in the: mess hall immediately for: probably a good idea to come save us


Additional Notes:

* sup.
* not much, not much, just hangin' with about 3 new and old friends in this cage dangling precariously above the water.
* can't say i like the conditions either, but the cold and damp doesn't get under my skin. i think i see other cages, tho and, uh, i can't say much for them yet.
* six other occupied cages, with about three in each. hey, it's like those math problems you used to get in school.
* startin' to get a real sinking feeling so if there's anybody out there who ain't locked up, it'd mean a lot to me and over 20 other people if you bailed us out.
* see ya. sans.

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Comments

[ishotyouuu]

i kno rite

the least she could do is give us a warning or something

what an uncommunicative bitch

she should work for the russian government

[justribbing]

* only thing she's russian is our untimely demise.
* thought i saw your distinctive black and red in one of those cages.
* you out here too, pal? howzitgoin?

[ishotyouuu]

pretty good except u undercut an amazing pun i was gonna make

u bonehead

[justribbing]

* oh shit heh heh my bad, big red.
* let's have it.

[ishotyouuu]

i was gonna say she must work for the russian government because shes an uncommunicative bitch

u kno

a cagey b

see u cockblocked me on the setup and now it doesnt work

not cool bro :(

[justribbing]

* and to think, the legacy i leave behind is your broken comedic heart, dude.

[ishotyouuu]

dont forget the burning sensation whenever i pee

which u never apologized for btw

[justribbing]

* this is exactly how i expected to spend my last hours.
* so do you have a puzzle in your cage or what?

[1/2]

[ishotyouuu]

u mean not apologizing for my downstairs situation?

because i still havent heard the sound of "I'm sorry" from u

[2/2]

[ishotyouuu]

[IN ALL SERIOUSNESS THOUGH]

but yeah theres a puzzle

its a crossword, lucky us

1/2

[justribbing]

[ he crosses the line at gross human toilet humor

ok part of this is due to his healthy ignorance of the nuts and bolts of the process

...eeeeey ]

2/2

[justribbing]

* new crossword puzzle material? in our castle?
* you better not hold out on me, wade.

[ishotyouuu]

u gonna be my puzzle buddy, bro?

[justribbing]

* yeah, sure. nothin' takes the edge off a lousy situation like a good crossword puzzle.

[ Except a stiff drink. ]

* let's have a look at this thing.

[ishotyouuu]

here u go, just took a picture.

[fuckingbullshit.jpg attached.]

pretty sure i can figure out some of these right off the bat but id definitely appreciate some help

[justribbing]

* yeah? ok hot shot.
* let's see ya crash and burn guessing 3 across.

[ishotyouuu]

okay

[Wade takes his time with that one. At first he thinks it's "spaghetti". The word fits perfectly, and he knows from hanging around with Sans long enough that he adores his brother's spaghetti as a rule. But food doesn't seem as though it would be a "particular interest"-- hell, after spending some time bonded with him Wade's pretty sure that Sans doesn't even need to breathe. "Awful puns" was another consideration, but he's fairly sure most crosswords don't involve two words.

There must be something there, some nine letter word that fits into those spaces and actually matches up with the clue. Maybe there's something that Sans had mentioned to him in passing? Maybe during those few times they'd spend stargazing together on the skeleton's balcony--

Wait. Stargazing. Of course.]

its astronomy

its gotta be

space is ur big thing

[justribbing]

[ Nice guess, spaghetti -- thing is, Sans will talk up his brother's cooking to anyone it rankles or otherwise ends up warranting some other, equally hilarious reaction, just as often as he'll joke that it's 'barely edible' like it's a massive improvement. But Sans doesn't really care about pasta. (Unless we're talking the pasta-bilities of a good joke.)

Technically, 'Awful Puns' would fit in that same space, too. Now THAT is something practically anyone could agree on, who ever knew Sans for any amount of time.

Guess it just surprises Sans, a little, that Wade paid enough attention to his dumb timewasting enough to, uh... notice?

Whatever. ]

* heh, not bad.
* ok, let's get on this.

some time later...

[justribbing]

* hey wade? howzitgoin?
* i heard there's gonna be some ghost sightings.
* touching them's a REAL bad idea so just let 'em pass on, ok?

[ishotyouuu]

[Ghosts? Shit. The last time he'd been involved with ghosts he'd found himself suddenly first-basin' it with Newt Geiszler. The memory doesn't bring with it the shame he was expecting, but rather a sudden and rather fierce sense of homesickness. Awkward ghost-influenced liplocking notwithstanding, Newt was one of the good ones.]

dont suppose weve got a young priest and an old priest in our home for wayward souls do we?

or does that only work on demons?

im not up on my cryptozoology or whatever the fuck

[justribbing]

* ever see that lady with the pink hair?
* total FANATIC for everything spooky, which includes skeletons.
* bein' a total weirdo aside, apparently her spooks will suck all the hope outta you.
* pretty much a real killer for monsters, but it can't be helpful for humans at a time like this, huh?

[ishotyouuu]

u mean Perona right

youre saying she unleashed a bunch of hope-sucking vampires on us?

[He thought those only existed in Twilight.]

[justribbing]

* yyyyyyyyyep.
* and uh, go fig. my source?
* chara, who got first hand experience with these things.
* so THAT'S something.

[ishotyouuu]

[A few seconds pass, long enough for Sans to possibly consider that the text misfired. And then a message pops up, comprised of merely a single word. If Sans is at all knowledgeable about the human condition, he'll definitely be able to read the undertones in this seemingly innocuous word:]

what

[justribbing]

* apparently the kid was gettin' mouthy and the lady thought that justified attacking them.
* anyway, if we get outta here alive?
* she and i are gonna have a little chat.